Do you overwork?
Does success leave you feeling flat?
Do you have trouble asking for help?
Do you attribute much of your success to luck or other people?
Do you find it difficult to accept praise?
If you answered “yes” to two or more of these questions, thinking is, that you may be suffering from Imposter Syndrome.
Wikipedia describes Imposter Syndrome as a psychological pattern in which an individual doubts their accomplishments or talents and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a “fraud”.
Imposter Syndrome involves a constant fear of exposure and rejection. It may lead to self-isolation where the sufferer feels they need to work alone and keep what they are doing hidden to avoid exposure as the fraud that they think they are.
From my own experience, I would describe it as the insistent feeling that sooner or later “they” would discover that I was not as good as “they” thought I was. It was based on a sense of inadequacy and self-doubt that could not be altered by success. Any positive feedback, promotion, pay increase or bonus would act as a balm for a day at most before the feeling of being a ‘fraud’ reinstated itself in my psyche. As a matter of fact, the promotion, bonus or pay increase led to heightened anxiety, and the thought that now I was further out of my depth and would definitely be discovered as such. This feeling of being a fraud was most prevalent in work but also leaked into other areas of life such as my competence as a mother, wife, gardener, and indeed my ability to navigate any aspect of life as a capable adult.
An interesting result of my self-doubt, was that I could not tolerate criticism or feedback on any level. It felt like an attack on the very essence of who I was as a person, no matter how insignificant, honest, accurate or completely crucial the feedback may have been. I would defend and counter-attack at once without accepting the advice or opinion, no matter how well intended or gently it had been presented. This is not exactly the best recipe for efficient learning and improvement! It does prove, however, that those who appear most sure of themselves and definite in their ideas, can actually be the more insecure among us.
While it kept me pushing myself to prove that I am indeed worthy while never managing to achieve this elusive goal, the reality is that it held me back from trying anything that I was not sure had a hundred percent chance of success, thereby missing opportunities for innovation.
One very undesirable outcome is that it can lead the sufferer to aim lower than their potential, thinking that their sense of unease comes from the fact that they are not good enough or qualified enough for the role they are currently playing. This can lead to a vast waste of potential, and if someone acts on these feelings of inadequacy, there is no role lowly enough to put them completely at ease. I once saw a very talented engineer request demotion to lower and lower levels, despite reassurances from management that she was capable of her current role. She eventually went into the least challenging role available to her, and when this didn’t ease her severe anxiety about not being good enough, she left the workforce on stress related disability.
Imposter syndrome can drain the joy out of victory and create a feeling of dependency on the people and circumstances that seem to have contributed to our success. It eliminates the excitement and joy of pushing ourselves to be great, because the underlying feeling of inadequacy means that we can never live ‘flat-out’ or give our best, in case it is not good enough. Rather than bringing our own innate wisdom into a situation we look for solutions that are already proven and we are easily persuaded that our plan is destined to fail before we ever try.
When we look for a solution for imposter syndrome, there are many self-help books and methods available, that teach us everything from ‘fake it till you make it’, think positive, imagine success, reward yourself, learn from your mistakes, or be willing to take risks. All of these look like good ideas, but the problem is that they don’t actually work, because they increase the sense that there is something wrong with us that we need to overcome.
Some time ago, I learned about an understanding of life shared by Sydney Banks, and had an insight about how simple the solution is. I realised there is no such thing as imposter syndrome or lack of self-esteem. They are just thoughts that we have about ourselves and are no more true than any other thought we could hold.
I realised that the only thing causing my imposter syndrome or lack of self-belief was my own thinking, no matter where it originated. As soon as I saw this, it didn’t make sense to continue thinking about it anymore and I let go and relaxed. When my mind got quiet I felt peaceful and happy, and I saw that it is hard-wired into us to feel good, if we are not thinking. I saw that the source of our experience is always thought, no matter what is happening around us.
It doesn’t matter if our thinking is as a result of what we were told by a teacher or parent in our formative years, or if it is as a result of some failure in the past. The solution is always the same – to realise it is just thought in this moment that is causing our current feeling of inadequacy and fear. We don’t have to try to stop thinking, or think more positive thoughts, we just need to see that the feelings are as a result of thought in this moment. When we see this, the feeling subsides and thoughts lose their power and fall away. When we drop our repetitive thoughts, we open our minds to new and fresh ideas that are useful and productive.
Imposter syndrome is a fear of failure and insecurity based on the thought that we don’t have what it takes to succeed despite evidence to the contrary. We lose the fear of failure as soon as we know we cannot be hurt by failure. We can only be hurt by our thoughts about failure. When we see the truth of this, we are free to succeed or fail. If you try to figure out or analyse insecurity, it doesn’t work. It you just leave it alone it evaporates by itself.
The truth is that imposter-syndrome doesn’t really exist but we have the ability to think it or any other experience into being. Once we see the truth of this, it no longer makes sense to continue hurting ourselves with thoughts that don’t serve us. The thoughts will come and we will get caught up in them, but once we see what we are doing, we can stop believing that they mean anything about us or our ability to succeed. When we stop believing our thoughts they evaporate into thin air by themselves and we are left with a feeling of innate wellbeing.