Author: mary.howick

Being a working mother requires you to handle an endless stream of to-do’s, problems, and difficult situations. There’s no training manual or clear benchmarks for success, and any candid discussion with your manager can feel taboo; you might worry about being labelled as unfocused or whiny.  The problem persists for 18 years or more, without ever getting much easier. Years in, you may still feel as stressed as you did right after maternity leave.

Under these conditions, it’s normal to get tired, doubt your own choices and performance, and view your life as a constant juggling act. But it doesn’t have to be that way. We can gain more calm, confidence, and control, thereby strengthening our ability to succeed at—and even enjoy—being a working mother.

This eight week programme will help you to gain clarity about what you really want, discover what is possible, and find the support you need so you can start to really enjoy this important and beautiful phase of your life.  It will give you the “comfort in your own skin” that lets you navigate all aspects of your life elegantly, plus the self-belief and confidence in your ability to do what is necessary while being true to yourself and your own priorities.

Purpose:  

To bring together a group of women who are juggling to balance everything in their lives, with the intention of creating a safe space where they can share, explore, learn and grow together

Delivery:

The programme runs over a period of 8 weeks and consists of:

• Eight 90 minute workshops
• One coaching session (45 minute private coaching session with Mary Howick)
• A private Facebook group where you can receive support from me and fellow attendees for the duration of the programme.    
• Delivered by Zoom to the comfort of your own home

Workshop Schedule:

Weekly at:        8.00pm (BST – Ireland time)

Commencing:   Coming soon

Duration:          8 weeks

Investment 

Total cost for the entire programme is €140 (paid in advance). Numbers are limited to ensure a great experience for all participants.

( $160 USD / £130 Sterling)

COURSE OUTLINE:

8 Workshops; delivered once a week in a series of 90-minute sessions , these workshops will be a chance to slow down and open to new insights that can change your perspective on life and what is possible for you.  They will be delivered through a series of talks, stories, exercises and discussions so you have the opportunity to learn from your own deeper wisdom and that of your peers as well as from the workshop facilitator.

45 minute coaching session (optional): If at some stage during the series of workshops you need more help to experience a mind-set shift in some area,  you can book a coaching conversation with me by email; (mary.howick@hotmail.com) One session is included in the cost of the programme.  

Private Facebook Group: You will have the opportunity to join a private Facebook group and interact with other Mums who face the same challenges as you do.  This will be a safe space where you can receive support from me and from each other for the duration of the course.   

WORKSHOP SUMMARY:

1. Laying the foundation   It is normal to question your decision to work, even if you love your job.   Like most Mums you are probably exhausted, and your inner resources are depleted.    If you are in this category, you will benefit from this workshop.  We will look at what is really important to you.   You will set your priorities and redefine who you are in the world.  We will explore what could get in the way of living the life you want and see through any self-created limitations or culture induced beliefs.  

• Dealing with Guilt One of my abiding memories of motherhood is the constant nagging feeling of guilt.  Concern that I was not doing a good enough job as a mother, as a partner or in the workplace. Wondering if I was spending enough time with my son, bringing him to enough activities or rushing too fast through his homework.  Feeling guilty because I enjoyed my job, applied for a promotion or took a course I was interested in.  On the other hand, some of my friends felt guilty because they chose not to progress their career and envied my income.  As Mums we feel as if we can’t win either way.  In this workshop, we will explore guilt, why we feel it, it’s purpose, and how we can move past it.   

• Setting boundaries: Work/Family/Me. In a world where we can never get it all done or please everyone, we need to concentrate on living a life that feels authentic and right to us.  Having dealt with guilt and laid the  foundation for the life you want, we can now look at putting the necessary boundaries in place.  We will explore the implications of setting boundaries with your partner, children, employer, clients, school, etc. and you will learn how to overcome or see through the fear of doing so.  We will look at the importance of unplugging from technology and work to enjoy close family time, and unplugging from the family to take time for you.   In this module you will discover that filling your own cup first is essential, if you want to bring the best of you into all your relationships and life situations.

• Overcoming perfectionism Social media presents the picture of the perfect Mum celebrating her latest career success as she and her perfect partner serve the perfect meal to the perfect well-behaved children in a perfectly presented home.   At some level we know this is not the reality for anyone.   Yet we try to live up to this fictitious standard.  In this module we will dash the illusion of perfectionism and explore what it means to be ‘good enough’. You will experience the inherit relief in being willing to be who you really are unapologetically.

• Delegating at home and at work There seems to be some unwritten rulebook stating that becoming a mother means you should be able to do everything, all the time.   The worst thing is that we buy into this and are often afraid to ask for help.   Even when help is offered we can be reluctant to accept it, seeing it as a sign of failure.  As a result if we do ask, we do so apologetically and illicit a less helpful response than may have been forthcoming if we had felt more entitled.   We will examine this topic using your real life examples and debunk the belief that trying to do it all yourself is of value to anyone.   You will learn how to ask for the help you need and why you should always do so.

• Remaining calm As a working mother, I remember snapping at my son or an innocent colleague as a result of the level of stress and overwhelm that had built up in me.   In this module we will look at how this happens and where we can break the cycle.  You will discover the freedom of being able to see through the things that stress you in a way that leaves you able to respond from a place of clarity and strength in the moment.

• Managing time  Working Mums are among the most time-challenged people in the world and I remember wishing for another few hours in the day to spend on myself or with my son. In this module we will explore the nature of time and learn how to slow down to the speed of life. You will discover that this, surprisingly, leads to enhanced relationships and a newfound sense of inner calm while enabling you to achieve as much if not more than before.

•  Appreciating yourself and enjoying your life A wise man once said: “The feeling you are living in, is all you ever get”.  The truth is that this moment, right here,  right now, is your life.   It’s not a dress-rehearsal for some better future that will arrive if you do everything in just the right way.  We need to enjoy this moment with our children, partner, family, friends, colleagues or customers.   We get so caught up in doing, that we forget to be, to live and to enjoy our lives.  The biggest regret people have on their death bed is that they didn’t just enjoy their lives while they had them.   In this workshop we will focus on learning to live well in every moment and to take ourselves and our lives less seriously. 

No matter how things look right now, you have the ability to start fresh.   It begins and ends with you and the choices you make.   This time with your children won’t last forever, take your life back and enjoy them while they are with you.

You can do it – we all can!  

Click here for more information

Watch this video to hear more about what you can expect.

A bit about me, your Programme Facilitator – Mary Howick

Having spent almost 30 years in leadership positions within large multi-national financial institutions, and as a single mother, I am very familiar with the challenges and stresses of life and how difficult it can be to balance everything, and find the energy to enjoy life and the people that matter most.

Following a brush with cancer, I took early retirement from my corporate career, and spent four years learning from, and working with various wise teachers to understand the purpose of life and how we function as human beings.  In the process, I found a level of peace and clarity that I wish I had when my son was young. I am qualified as a Psychotherapist, workshop facilitator and Clarity Coach and now I use everything I learned from my studies in addition to my own life experience to help others find peace and wellbeing in their lives.

Using transformational techniques, in workshops and one-to-one coaching, I bring my clients through the key changes they need to make in order to live the life they desire. I encourage them to form a deep understanding of themselves, to awaken their inner potential and improve their innate abilities including better listening, deeper connections, and greater creativity.

We all have so much going on. A hundred conflicting demands, to-do lists longer than your arm. We all worry about things – money, deadlines, children. With all this whirring around in our heads it’s often a nightmare trying to concentrate on one thing. What if someone could show you how to empty your mind of all the noise? If you could be shown how to de-clutter your mind and concentrate on one important thing at a time?  This is what I found for myself and now offer to others.  I can teach you how to clear your mind and become less stressed, more productive and happier – and as a result, more confident in your abilities.

Click here for more information

WHY DO I FEEL SO TIRED AND OVERWHELMED?    I love my kids and I love my career but it all gets to me at times.

There always seems to be something needing my time and attention.   I’m just trying to hold it together and get through the day and do the best I can.

The constant chatter in my mind is insistent and keeps driving me forward.   The unrelenting rush to the next thing that needs doing.  Putting my son to bed while hurrying to read the email from my boss, or tearing through work to collect him from childcare before it closes.    Feeling torn in ten different directions all the time.

Do you resonate with this frustration that makes you irritable with the people you love the  most, because you are exhausted and too thinly spread? 

I’ve spent a lot of my life in that space.  Trying to do too much all at once.   Doing my best but actually giving nothing my full attention.  So no-one wins, least of all me.

Wherever you are when you are reading this, take a deep breath.   Become aware of your surroundings.  Slow down.   Ask yourself what is important right now.   Then forgive yourself for everything else that you can’t do at this time.

Do the one thing and forget about everything else.   

Repeat this exercise as many times as you can throughout the day.  Especially when you are with your children.  Five minutes of real attention matters more than a day of distracted presence with them. 

I wish I’d known that when I had a small boy walking beside me, holding my hand and wanting to talk non-stop, while my mind was focused on the next urgent issue at work.  

I couldn’t work while walking to the playground with him, so I could have relaxed and been there with him completely.  Both of us would have had a much better experience.  And I would have felt more refreshed when I did sit down to catch up on work later.

So take one step at a time.   Not trying to do everything.  Just the one thing in front of you right now.  No worrying about the next thing or regretting something you didn’t do earlier.

I’m totally excited to share my awesome news with you:  I am a co-author in the upcoming new book called, Overcomer, How She Became. This book is such an inspiring and motivating compilation of stories from a phenomenal group of women from all over the world who decided to transform our darkness into light. My Co-Authors and I present to you many unique stories of how we decided to get back up, and how we became Overcomers through so many storms, challenges, obstacles, and roadblocks. This book will bring love to your soul along with hope for a better tomorrow. It will empower and equip readers to push past all barriers they are presented with. 

Now Is Your Time To Overcome! 

On Tuesday, March 30th (between 5:00-9:00pm EST) my fellow co-authors and I will be launching our Amazon Book Campaign. I will share more information about this on Facebook and Instagram @Mary.howick

I’m so excited. I co-authored a book with 11 other powerful women from across the globe, all of whom have met and overcome serious challenges in our lives.

Click here to hear more about it : Tell me more

I spent the last 10 years of my career as the head of Human Resources in one of the largest companies in the North West of Ireland.  I saw first-hand how difficult it can be for women returning from maternity leave, career break or sick-leave to regain their confidence and creditability in the workplace.  They often feel overwhelmed by the task of proving themselves in work, while remaining fully connected to their children, partner and friends.

Having taken early retirement from the corporate world, and gaining certification as a Clarity Coach (using the Three Principles approach), I now help women tap into their own innate inner wisdom, wellbeing and resilience so they gain the confidence to bring the best of themselves to the fore in all areas of their lives.   They discover how to thrive and contribute in the work environment in a way that feels authentic and nurturing for themselves and their families, while delivering real value to their company.

An important aspect of this work is helping my client to appreciate their own value and what they have to offer.  Together, we discover what really matters to them in life,  and how they can utilize their natural talents to progress in the direction of their dreams.  

As a side-effect of our work together, they also find it easier to create deep connected relationships with the people in their lives, and discover how to make the time spent with their loved ones, customers and colleagues really count.

I live in Ireland but work by Zoom with clients from all over the English speaking world.

The first hour long session is free, and I aim to deliver as much value as possible in that session, whether you continue to work with me or not. If you decide to progress there are various options available for working together, that we can discuss.

There is always a way through, you just have to find it.

The most important thing in life is that we don’t despair and give up based on how things appear to be. We never know what the future may hold and what is around the next corner.

If you turn around and look back over your life, you will see that in the end everything changed and led to something new.

When I look back over my life, I could never have planned all the things I did, all the events that happened and all the wonderful people I encountered.

There were times along the way, when I felt stuck, when I thought this is it, this is how my life turned out.  But every time it changed into something new and something different.

Looking back, I can see that when I stopped fighting my reality and focused on appreciating the best of what was around me, I freed myself up to be happy. 

Feeling happier, I would relax to the point where I’d start to have new ideas. I would also be more available to connect with other people while maintaining an open heart and mind. And the better I felt, the more likely it was that something would happen to start my life moving forward again.

When we let go the fight against reality, and believe in the power of life to keep changing and moving forward, we open to the new. 

We got this!

Photo by John Mccann on Unsplash

photo by John Mccann on Unsplash

Do you ever find yourself acting like a salmon, trying to go against the flow, and jump the waterfall?

It’s a lot of hard work, but unlike the salmon, we don’t need to do it.  We don’t need to fight life, or battle against the current.  We can just relax and enjoy the feeling of being alive.

That doesn’t mean that we don’t do anything, but we can do it to the best of our ability without second guessing ourselves.  We can give up the effort to be better and surrender to who we are, experiencing the perfection of life as it unfolds for us.

Everything we need to be happy is already within us, and all we need to do is give up over-thinking and let ourselves fall into a beautiful feeling of relief.

We can’t think our way to joy, but if we give up all effort even for a minute, there it is waiting for us beneath the surface.  All we have to do, to find everything we are looking for, is surrender to the beauty of life exactly as it is.

PS: As a child I spent many happy hours watching salmon jump this waterfall near the house where I grew up. It was a great place to appreciate the beauty of life and enjoy the wonder of nature. It was always an easy way for me to forget all my worries and drop into an experience of peace and joy.

As an added bonus, sometimes a salmon would get stuck in a crack at the top of the waterfall and my Dad would wade in, pick it out and bring it home for dinner!

Do you overwork?  

Does success leave you feeling flat?  

Do you have trouble asking for help?   

Do you attribute much of your success to luck or other people?  

Do you find it difficult to accept praise?

If you answered “yes” to two or more of these questions, thinking is, that you may be suffering from Imposter Syndrome.

Wikipedia describes Imposter Syndrome as a psychological pattern in which an individual doubts their accomplishments or talents and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a “fraud”.

Imposter Syndrome involves a constant fear of exposure and rejection.  It may lead to self-isolation where the sufferer feels they need to work alone and keep what they are doing hidden to avoid exposure as the fraud that they think they are.

From my own experience, I would describe it as the insistent feeling that sooner or later “they” would discover that I was not as good as “they” thought I was.  It was based on a sense of inadequacy and self-doubt that could not be altered by success.  Any positive feedback, promotion, pay increase or bonus would act as a balm for a day at most before the feeling of being a ‘fraud’ reinstated itself in my psyche.  As a matter of fact, the promotion, bonus or pay increase led to heightened anxiety, and the thought that now I was further out of my depth and would definitely be discovered as such.  This feeling of being a fraud was most prevalent in work but also leaked into other areas of life such as my competence as a mother, wife, gardener, and indeed my ability to navigate any aspect of life as a capable adult.  

An interesting result of my self-doubt, was that I could not tolerate criticism or feedback on any level.  It felt like an attack on the very essence of who I was as a person, no matter how insignificant, honest, accurate or completely crucial the feedback may have been.   I would defend and counter-attack at once without accepting the advice or opinion, no matter how well intended or gently it had been presented.   This is not exactly the best recipe for efficient learning and improvement!  It does prove, however, that those who appear most sure of themselves and definite in their ideas,  can actually be the more insecure among us.

While it kept me pushing myself to prove that I am indeed worthy while never managing to achieve this elusive goal, the reality is that it held me back from trying anything that I was not sure had a hundred percent chance of success, thereby missing opportunities for innovation.  

One very undesirable outcome is that it can lead the sufferer to aim lower than their potential, thinking that their sense of unease comes from the fact that they are not good enough or qualified enough for the role they are currently playing.   This can lead to a vast waste of potential, and if someone acts on these feelings of inadequacy, there is no role lowly enough to put them completely at ease.  I once saw a very talented engineer request demotion to lower and lower levels, despite reassurances from management that she was capable of her current role.  She eventually went into the least challenging role available to her, and when this didn’t ease her severe anxiety about not being good enough, she left the workforce on stress related disability.

Imposter syndrome can drain the joy out of victory and create a feeling of dependency on the people and circumstances that seem to have contributed to our success.  It eliminates the excitement and joy of pushing ourselves to be great, because the underlying feeling of inadequacy means that we can never live ‘flat-out’ or give our best, in case it is not good enough.  Rather than bringing our own innate wisdom into a situation we look for solutions that are already proven and we are easily persuaded that our plan is destined to fail before we ever try.

When we look for a solution for imposter syndrome, there are many self-help books and methods available, that teach us everything from ‘fake it till you make it’,  think positive, imagine success, reward yourself, learn from your mistakes, or be willing to take risks.   All of these look like good ideas, but the problem is that they don’t actually work, because they increase the sense that there is something wrong with us that we need to overcome.

Some time ago, I learned about an understanding of life shared by Sydney Banks, and had an insight about how simple the solution is.   I realised there is no such thing as imposter syndrome or lack of self-esteem.  They are just thoughts that we have about ourselves and are no more true than any other thought we could hold.  

I realised that the only thing causing my imposter syndrome or lack of self-belief was my own thinking, no matter where it originated.   As soon as I saw this, it didn’t make sense to continue thinking about it anymore and I let go and relaxed.  When my mind got quiet I felt peaceful and happy, and I saw that it is hard-wired into us to feel good, if we are not thinking.  I saw that the source of our experience is always thought, no matter what is happening around us.

It doesn’t matter if our thinking is as a result of what we were told by a teacher or parent in our formative years, or if it is as a result of some failure in the past.   The solution is always the same – to realise it is just thought in this moment that is causing our current feeling of inadequacy and fear.  We don’t have to try to stop thinking, or think more positive thoughts, we just need to see that the feelings are as a result of thought in this moment.  When we see this, the feeling subsides and thoughts lose their power and fall away.  When we drop our repetitive thoughts, we open our minds to new and fresh ideas that are useful and productive.

Imposter syndrome is a fear of failure and insecurity based on the thought that we don’t have what it takes to succeed despite evidence to the contrary.  We lose the fear of failure as soon as we know we cannot be hurt by failure.   We can only be hurt by our thoughts about failure.  When we see the truth of this, we are free to succeed or fail.  If you try to figure out or analyse insecurity, it doesn’t work.  It you just leave it alone it evaporates by itself.

The truth is that imposter-syndrome doesn’t really exist but we have the ability to think it or any other experience into being.    Once we see the truth of this, it no longer makes sense to continue hurting ourselves with thoughts that don’t serve us.  The thoughts will come and we will get caught up in them, but once we see what we are doing, we can stop believing that they mean anything about us or our ability to succeed.  When we stop believing our thoughts they evaporate into thin air by themselves and we are left with a feeling of innate wellbeing.

Have you noticed that some days everything is wonderful and you can’t put a foot wrong?  And then other days you wonder why you got out of bed.

My theory is that once something goes wrong we let it impact us energetically and our low mood attracts more of the same.   Likewise, when something goes well we respond with a happy mood that attracts more great things to us.

I mean this is obvious – for example if you walk into the workplace with a smile on your face you will attract a very different response from everyone around you than if you storm in complaining about something.

So it seems to me that it is a good idea to start the day by doing something that makes us feel good, whether that is practicing the Isha Judd System, doing yoga, having a leisurely breakfast, going for a walk, or doing anything else that uplifts us.

If we are in the middle of a day that is going wrong, we can break it as soon as we notice what is happening.  All we need to do is realise that we are creating our low mood by how we are seeing things.

We don’t have to change our thoughts.   All we have to do is be aware that our low mood has nothing to do with things that have happened (and are already in the past) or how the rest of our day will go (we never know how the future will be).

The low mood is as a result of one thing only –  our thinking in this moment.
Just being aware of this allows the mind to relax and let go.  And once that happens our natural set point is one of wellbeing.

Our awareness and the ability to watch ourselves and how we react to our surroundings depends on our level of consiousness. It becomes clouded by the conditioning of society and the events that shape us as children.

Rather than seeing ourselves and others clearly we are often triggered by past events that we project onto whatever is happening in the present moment.

Even locations where something happened to us in the past can trigger the same feelings all over again.

Consciousness lies behind our conditioned thoughts and we will never find it by trying to figure things out in our minds. But if we get quiet and go within we find our innate wisdom buried deep within.

As our consciousness rises we develop more feelings of love and understanding and gain a greater clarity about ourselves and our lives. We start to live joyfully and life becomes so much easier.

There are many ways to raise our level of consciousness including spiritual practices such as the Isha Judd System or through insight gained as a result of Consciousness Coaching conversations with a practitioner who is in tune with their own innate wisdom.

In both cases we become more authentic and true to ourselves and begin to live the life we were born to live.